So feeling different

Spoke to jp from durban , her mom died yesterday and i feel how that must be painful for her to go on. Yet, i almost never feel anything anymore.
Spoke to my sister the other day, asking her if i can tell her about my doctors, and she brushed me off like i was not important. "Oh that sexchange thing , " like she didnt even consider my feelings in this. Yes, i do have feelings , i do feel pain when you brush me off like that.
Today spend the whole day reading xxy.com forums and just brushing up on what it means to be the third gender. Neither male nor female, but of both. Something i have always known.
At work im treated like a manager with slight difference, getting stares from people today cause my face is more feminine today with my conditioned hair. I so like it. Been wearing stockings with my work pants, got a few stares at my feet, but nothing i cannot handle. Im reminded of that time a few years back at cascades when i went to that mall dressed for the first time as a girl. I remember not getting any stares at that time, somehow preparing myself for this time in my life.
Do i feel better about reading that forums? Nope, it just popped up more questions in my mind. Like if i completely take estrogen  , will i swing further female than i am atm and will my xxy chromosomes make me feel better? Some chose the testosteron path and they are not happy, so not going that direcetion.